I had called John over to see my new toy, a Triumph Street Tripleâwell, it was used, but it was ânewâ to me.
John walked in the garage, his eyes never leaving the floor. He sat down and opened the beer, âI hope everyone has had one of these evenings.â
If I was a poet, I’d say sadness hung from him like a heavy coat. âWhat do you mean?â I asked. He was looking down at the floor, his gaze never rising since he came into the garageâdidnât even look up at the Triumph Street Triple that sat in âitsâ corner.
He took a swig of his Bass Ale and looked at me, âI hate feeling this way…â
All I could think of was that he appeared to have a look of self-loathing. âWhich way would that be John?â I was curious now.
âYou know, like Iâm the âonly oneâŚâ He trailed off, looking at the Triumph yet still not seeing it. âYouâre a diabetic. You know how you get when you are low? Really low?â He looked at me for what I took was for an answer that would back him up somehow.
âYes John. I know what you meanâwhen the world makes sense to you and everyone else is off their rocker. Is that what you mean?â
I pause only to explain what this might mean… As once said… Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up…
Diabetics have a disease called Diabetes (Diabetes Mellitus) that means their body does not produce enough insulin (for a variety of reasons) to properly metabolize/deal with sugar in the body. Insulin is what takes the âsugarâ from your blood and moves it into the cells for proper use. Diabetics can have both hypoglycemia (where the amount of sugar in their blood is âtoo lowâ) or hyperglycemia (where the amount of sugar in the blood is âtoo muchâ). As with most things, moderation is preferred (i.e., blood sugar should be between 75 and 130 mg/dl of glucose in the blood).
Hypoglycemia, or abnormally low blood glucose, presents a âfewâ problems… and may develop if the diabetic takes too much insulin such that excess insulin tries to take more sugar out of the blood and into the cells than is available. The diabetic may become agitated, sweaty, and have many symptoms of sympathetic activation of the autonomic nervous system resulting in feelings similar to dread and immobilized panic (i.e., going into shock). Consciousness can be altered or lost and, in extreme cases, leading to coma, seizures, or even brain damage and death. In patients with diabetes, this can be caused by several factors, such as too much or incorrectly timed insulin, too much exercise or incorrectly timed exercise (exercise decreases insulin requirements) or not enough food (actually an insufficient amount of glucose-producing carbohydrates in food). In most cases, hypoglycemia is treated with sugary drinks or food. In severe cases, an injection of glucagon (a hormone with the opposite effects of insulin) or an intravenous infusion of glucose is used for treatment, but usually only if the person is unconscious. In hospital, intravenous dextrose is often used.
Quoted, in part, from Wikipedia.
What this does not say is that during these episodes, the diabetic may be âunreasonableâ and hostile.
By âunreasonable,â I mean the diabetic may argue that they are NOT low on blood sugar, even sounding, depending on the individualâs ability to deal/rationalize during these periods of low blood sugar, quite logical and saneâup to a point (more on that later).
By âHostile,â I mean that the diabetic may argue, quite forcefully, that nothing is wrong with them and that the person trying to help them must show (i.e., prove) to them that something is actually wrong⌠The diabetic is likely to yell, say terrible and hurtful things, and/or say things that âpopâ into their minds without their rational mind catching what they are saying⌠The diabetic is trying to get the person who is trying to help them to leave them alone. Therefore, the diabetic can say things that can be painful to hearâespecially if the person spoken to is someone the diabetic loves…
To those who are not diabetics, these episodes are hurtful and difficult to deal with. Often, the non-diabetic will not understand how the diabetic can actually argue with them that the meter (used to test their blood sugar level) is proving that their blood-sugar is too low.
The diabetic, on the other hand, is confused, due to limited amounts of sugar getting to the brainâleading to confusion, disorientation, and, possibly, brain damage.
Here is the kicker…
Often, the diabetic will have a âsignificant otherâ who will try to get them to eat/drink something to raise their blood sugar. Sounds great and simple doesnât it? By now you should realize that nothing is so simple when blood sugar (and reason) are âon the low sideâŚâ
Explaining further, the diabetic will argue with any âhelpingâ person often saying there is ânothing wrongâ all the while knowing something is wrong but not being able to actually discern what is wrong. The diabetic often feels as if it is a nightmare where their lover is arguing with them that something is wrong with them (feeding a feeling of isolation and insecurity). The diabetic often feels as if nothing they do will actually stop their loved one from arguing with them. Due to feeling âinsecureâ and âattacked,â the diabetic often says hurtful things because they are feeling attacked, insecure, and hurt by comments from their loved ones since the diabetic is unable to rationally understand the situation.
Perhaps now you can better try to understand…
âYes. I knew you would understand.â
I could feel John relaxing. A weight seemed to lift off his shoulders. âYou have an episode last night?â I used episode, because we donât like to admit that those situations actually occur. You see, we are terribly embarrassed when we regain our rational minds (i.e., we realize that we obviously were not acting sane and that we caused pain to those we loved. It is also possible, if other people were present during the episode, that we are embarrassed about how we acted because if our significant others canât understand our episodes, nobody else is likely to do so either. Rather, those experiencing these episodes are likely to think we are insane, rude, crude, ⌠just undesirable people to be around.
âYeah. A bad one…â He paused.
I knew, without a doubt, that there was more to the story, and I felt as if I had to let him let it out rather than me fishing for it.
âLeane had family over. Extended family too. You know, those that have no idea that I was a diabetic or that donât know what diabetes means when someone gets low on blood sugar.â
âLeane love you John.â That may seem odd coming out of my mouth first when he did not say anything about his wife not loving him. The hypoglycemic diabetic causes pain by arguing and rationalizing (as they can when low on blood sugar) with the significant other when the significant other is worried about and is scared about the low blood sugar. All they want is for the diabetic to get well, and the diabetic is arguing with them about the situation and NOT DOING ANYTHING to raise their blood sugar.
He looked up, âI donât know. Not after last night. I was 31 or somethingâfor far longer than I like.â
âAnd you asked Leane why she didnât call 911 to âsaveâ you and prevent the hurt right?â I knew this well. I had asked my wife to not call 911 and to talk me into eating or drinking somethingâuntil my last episode. âPerhaps you can do what I did with Tara after my last episode?â
âWhat is that?â If I was a fish, I would be looking at the starving fisherman who was counting on me to save him and his family. Hope is a powerful and funny thingâŚ
I smiled, âI have gotten her to promise me to call 911 as soon as she knows something is wrong. That way she is not going to go through any pain or worry any longer than she has too, and I am going to realize, via paying the bill, that there are costs to these episodes. Also, I hope that her getting them to deal with me will prevent me from hurting her.â
Hope of a future without the pain gleamed in his eyes. âIt work?â
âWell, she hasnât had to call yet, but I havenât had an event yet either. It has only been a monthâŚâ
âThat might actually work…â He was thinking now⌠That rational part of his mind had kicked in and was revving along like my Street Triple did when cruising down the street.
Being a diabetic, I have certain freedom. I had to ask, âWas it that bad? Do you remember anything you said or did?â Sometimes we donât. While I am not sure, I think this may be for our benefitâit would be difficult for us to cope with some of the things I know we do. I canât imagine what is it like to be on the other side. Iâm sorry.
âI donât know man. It is all a blur. I remember getting low. I actually got up to go get something to eat, but I never made it.â His head, still looking down, swiveled back and forth and mirrored his denial of understanding.
I smiled. A non-diabetic finds it hard to understand how you can feel yourself getting low on sugar, start to go get sugar, but not make it because between getting up to go get sugar and getting it, your sugar gets so low you have a disconnect and don’t realize your blood sugar is the issue… My own doctor, not a diabetic, didn’t understand this often-occurring situation.
âHappened to me a month ago.â I reminded him, âAnd Tara and I are fine.â Well, she said we were. I wasn’t so sure. I was afraid that she would consider NOT calling 911 so she could be done with it. That really isn’t fair, but it is my fear… Tara and I have promised to be honest with one anotherâit has worked much better than we had thought. No lies between usâsounds simple, but it isnâtâŚ(that is another story)âŚ
Shock blazed in his eyes. âLast weekend at the party you two seemed inseparable!â His eyes squirmed, darting back and forth between my eyes as if to catch me in a lie. They wouldnât.
âWe are doing well John. She has been with me long enough to somehow separate those events from the real me.â Her being able to do that has saved me and our relationship. She is a treasure. âI donât know how she does it John. But she does.â
âI was such an ass.â
I laugh. âYou always are.â
He chuckles. His head raises, and he looks very serious, âIs that the new Street Triple?â
âAbout damn time you noticed âŚâ
Synopsis
We have turned the corner now. Like anyone in pain, a diabetic can take the hurt they may have caused and let it burn them past being able to be saved. The diabetic can alienate themselves from loved ones, family, and friends to the point of ending up severely depressed and, eventually, dead (when nobody is left to find them during an episode).
How we and those we love cope with these events, and others, is a testimony to the human condition to understand and forgive.
If you know a diabetic… If you love a diabetic, realize that the low-blood sugar demon is not the person you love–rather, it is that part of the human that is still the non-logical animal.
Thank God for reason. Thank God for those that love us anyway…